PIPES AND HARPS: MODERN MARRIAGE

This has been a good year for weddings in Grantchester. It is a great privilege to share with a couple their plans for the ‘big day’ and see it all come together in the ceremony when they are ‘kings’ and ‘queens’ for the day. This summer I have had a number of letters from satisfied customers who have appreciated our efforts to give them a memorable moment. Some brides have added their own unique touches. A bride from Scotland felt it appropriate to have bagpipes played by a piper in a kilt; a Welsh bride chose to walk down the aisle to the music of a harp. Special touches for the big day.

Shortly I shall be off to France to take part in the wedding of James, son of Rita Ricketts, and Charlotte. Since the disestablishment of the Roman Catholic Church in France in 1904 marriages involve a civil ceremony followed, for those who wish it, by a religious ceremony. My role is to preach the sermon or homily in the Catholic wedding service in the bride’s family church in Bricy. The basic vows are the same but some of the prayers seem rather better than ours. I particularly like the moment when the bride and groom say: ‘We will fight for each other but respect each other’s independence’. And also: ‘Let us pray for all our different relationships and for other new couples who are entering into permanent partnerships that they may be kind to one another and listen to one another to build trust and to walk in the same path’. And then again there is: ‘Let us pray for those experiencing difficulty in their relationships, now and in the future, that they may find the strength and honesty to seek forgiveness and resolution’.

Archbishop Robert Runcie was unusual in admitting that the Christian Church did not invent marriage which has its roots in the origins of humankind. Historically the Church has tended to put the emphasis on the obedient procreation of children, as if marriage were good only for populating the world. But what is our answer to over-population?

We say in our wedding service that it is ‘for better or worse’ but sometimes this is made to sound more like a threat than a promise. It ought to mean ‘whatever happens we can count on each other’. I think of the final years of Carmen Blacker in the Hope Nursing Home, being visited every day by Michael. It is a travesty to make it mean ‘even if we regret it, we are still lumbered with each other for life’.

Marital breakdown has always been a problem for Christians. Archbishop Runcie writes that ‘some of the reasons are not bad reasons but good reasons’. Two hundred years ago, the average marriage could be expected to last fifteen years; now it is fifty. People live longer and they expect more of their relationship. Furthermore, women now seek an identity which is not solely dependent on being a house-wife.

The wonderful thing is that in the 21^st century so many young couples, often after living together, want to tie the knot and take the risk of marriage.

Stuart Mews